Official Starfleet Continuing Education Credits
by T'Key'la
Summary: The Captain has been very busy. So busy, in fact, Starfleet relieves him of command. Temporarily. All is well in the end. Really - sillier than most. Totally for fun! Part of the Memo Collection


MEMO

TO: James T. Kirk

FROM: Commander Spock

RE: Official Communique from Starfleet Headquarters

It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that pursuant to Starfleet regulations 980.45 subsection (s)(36) you are hereby officially relieved of Command of USS Enterprise - ship's registry NCC 1707. This action is being undertaken with great regret but with no other recourse available to Starfleet Command.

According to your official personnel records, you failed to complete in a timely manner the compulsory 49 hours of Official Starfleet Continuing Education Credits which are mandated to keep all Starship Captains appraised of the latest in starship technology, Federation policies both political and cultural, and any areas of scholarship and erudition Starfleet deems prudent and/or imperative.

In accordance with Starfleet regulations 982.56 subsection (q)(2) you will be officially reinstated as Captain of USS Enterprise once you have successfully completed the missing 45.75 hours of OSCEC. I have been appointed acting Captain while you are relieved of duty. In addition, I have been named official proctor of your academic progress in achieving said hours.

Should you require any additional information concerning this mandate, I will be available to discuss your concerns at your convenience.

MEMO

TO: Acting Captain Spock

FROM: James T. Kirk

RE: My demotion

Oh good gods. I cannot believe that Starfleet would do this to me.

MEMO

TO: James T. Kirk

FROM: Commander Spock

RE: Your temporary and regrettable demotion

Be assured that we will work to rectify this situation with all deliberate haste. Starfleet has allotted six (6) of the ship's weeks for you to earn the missing OSCEC. As you currently have no official duties aboard Enterprise, you will be able to complete the assignments with alacrity. I predict you will finish all 45.75 credits within the next 3.2 weeks.

At your earliest convenience, I will need a complete briefing on all current missions, including information to which you alone have been granted access up to this point. We will also need to discuss what we will tell the crew about the temporary change in command, as keeping the truth from them is neither advisable nor possible.

Please let me know when you will be available to discuss those items as noted above.

MEMO

TO: Acting Captain Spock

FROM: James T. Kirk, Federation Citizen

RE: 45.75 credits of Official Starfleet Continuing Education Credits

Captain,

We are 38.9 days at maximum warp from the nearest Federation Starbase. I am unclear how it is that Starfleet Command believes it possible for me (or anyone) to earn 45.75 OSCEC while on patrol in the furthest reaches of the known universe. Even when we're closer to home, it's not as though I can stop by a local college or university and attend class to earn those missing credits. And I remain adamant in my belief that being a Starship Captain is more educational than studying the theoretical modeling of how to be one. I am expected to review and be tested on lectures given by someone who has never been aboard a starship and would not have the first idea of how to run one in the unlikely event they were allowed on it at all. Isn't that a little, I don't know, stupid? Short sighted? A monumental waste of time?

While I have no particular opinion to offer concerning the Starfleet requirement of earning specific OSCED in a specific amount of time, I maintain my belief (based on hands-on experience) that the Captain of a Federation Starship has many more pressing matters to which we must attend than proving we have mastered "research" of negligible value and less interest provided to us by those with no actual knowledge of the complex workings of any starship much less mine.

As far as informing the crew - I leave the decision on how best to announce it entirely in your hands. Even if I weren't the one who had been demoted, I trust your judgement over mine when it comes to handling these matters. I wouldn't want to risk acting like an overly emotional (and utterly pissed off) human while conveying this news.

I will be available to discuss our next mission as transmitted to me, while I was still Captain, by Starfleet, at your convenience. Clearly, I now have nothing else to do but wait for you to be off duty.

MEMO

TO: James T. Kirk

FROM: Commander Spock

RE: OSCEC

While I am sympathetic with your plight and the questionable choice Starfleet made to relieve you of command, I would be neglecting my duty if I failed to point out that every Starfleet Captain is fully cognizant of the requirement to earn the 49 OSCEC within three (3) years. No one would argue that being Captain of a Starship is a full time responsibility, with little or no leisure time to devote to augmenting one's knowledge base. However, there have been a plethora of opportunities presented to you during which you could have availed yourself of the OSCEC offered.

And I do concede it will be somewhat more difficult for you to earn the necessary 45.75 credits while we patrol this sector of the galaxy. However, you are being given the choice of a variety of courses of study from which you may select, so long as the total earned credits amount to at least 45.75. I have taken the liberty of listing many of the proposed courses below and will be available to discuss the curricula of each when you choose to avail yourself of this information.

A Brief History of Vulcan, pre-reformation, .75 OSCEC

A Brief History of Vulcan, post-reformation, .75 OSCEC

A Brief History of the Vulcan Reformation, .75 OSCEC

Vulcan Language, oral, 3.5 OSCEC

Vulcan Language, written, 3.5 OSCEC

Planetary Customs to Avoid, 2 OSCEC

Planetary Customs in Which No Humanoid Should Ever Engage, 2 OSCEC

Fruits and Vegetables That Can Keep You Alive While You Are Stranded and Waiting To Be Rescued, 2.5 OSCEC

Keeping Your Security Officers Out Of Harm's Way (A Red Shirt Does Not Have to Be a Death Sentence), 4 OSCEC

First Contact For Dummies, 2 OSCEC [I would not recommend this course. I have been informed that the author was eaten by the natives of the last world to which he paid a visit]

Building A Fire From Almost Any Native Substance, 2.5 OSCEC

Building An Emergency Transmitter To Contact Your Ship (Even if the Planet On Which You are Stranded Has Not Yet Evolved Past Stone Knives), 4 OSCEC

Dilithium Crystals Are Our Friends: How To Maintain Your Dilithium so it Can Get You Home Safely, 1.5 OSCEC

Stardates For Dummies (Never Again Worry That You Will Use the Wrong Stardate On Your Official and/or Private Logs) .75 OSCEC

Converting Stardates to Earth Dates - Especially Helpful To Those Who Wish To Remember Special Birthdays and/or Anniversaries, .75 OSCEC

Space Exploration as Portrayed Through Popular Earth Culture, 1.5 OSCEC

Space Exploration as Portrayed Through Popular Vulcan Culture, .5 OSCEC

Starfleet Regulations - Changes You Need To Know, 4 OSCEC [This one is mandated by Starfleet Headquarters and therefore is required rather than elective]

Retirement Planning for Starship Captains - It's Never Too Early To Begin Planning For Those Leisure Years After Your Service, .75 OSCEC

Personnel Management For Dummies - Learn How to Smooth Things Over With Crew Members Whom You Would Prefer To Leave Behind On Your Next Away Mission, .75 OSCEC

Please inform me which of these courses of study you are interested in pursuing and I will arrange for the appropriate parties to tutor you.

Again, be assured that I will do everything necessary to assist you in obtaining the required 45.75 OSCEC so that you may be reinstated as Captain of USS Enterprise.

MEMO

TO: Acting Captain Spock

FROM: Jim Kirk

RE: The classes I can take to earn the 45.75 OSCEC

You cannot be serious! "Converting Stardates to Earth Dates"? I have you for that. "Keeping Your Security Officers Out Of Harm's Way." Seriously? Did you make that up? Or is that Starfleet's way of telling me I need to be more careful on our away missions? Not altogether subtle is it?

And, as I'm sure you noticed, even if I studied all of these asinine courses, it would still only add up to 38.75 hours. What then? I'm never reinstated?

I know I don't have any right being angry about this. I know I should have taken the OSCEC when I had the chance. You remind me all the time that I'm behind. I'm sure you have enough credits for us both already. Not that that fact does me any good.

Alright, when you're finally off duty, we'll make a decision about which courses I'll take. I'm leaning toward starting with A Brief History of Vulcan, pre-reformation, A Brief History of Vulcan, post-reformation, A Brief History of the Vulcan Reformation, Vulcan Oral, Vulcan Written, for a start. I have an "in" with that teacher and know I will do especially well with Vulcan Oral.

Couldn't you leave alpha shift now? You are acting Captain. Which means no one can stop you or report you. We can begin those lessons right away.

MEMO

To: My Jim

FROM: Your Spock

RE: OSCEC Courses you have selected

You are incorrigible. Vulcan Oral is NOT one of the choices. It is Vulcan language, oral - learning to speak the language. And you should be able to master that course quickly and easily as you are already fluent in Vulcan. Of course, it will be necessary for you to master terms that are not of a personal nature but I know that you will have no difficulty in picking up on those.

The remaining 7 OSCEC not covered by the courses offered may be on topics of your choice, providing they adhere to the general parameters required by Starfleet. I can say with some degree of certainty that none of those hours can be earned by seducing, flirting with, or otherwise making advances toward any member of your crew.

I will leave the Bridge at the conclusion of Alpha shift. As it is only 21 more minutes, you will have to be content to wait. What type of example would I be setting if I allowed my personal preferences to sway my professional obligations? It is not the way in which the most recent Captain of Enterprise would comport himself, and I plan to pattern my behavior on that of the finest Captain in the Fleet.

MEMO

TO: My Spock

FROM: Your T'hy'la

RE: OSCEC Courses for the remaining 7 hours

Are you sure making love to the Acting Captain of a Starship won't earn me 7 OSCEC? Extra credit maybe? I promise I'll make it worth your while.

And yes, the Vulcan terms I use most are those of a "personal nature." Those are the ones you use most often when we are engaged in acts of a very personal nature. (I happen to know those are some of your favorite Vulcan terms.) And lucky for me, our bond provides an insight on how to spell them as well. How much Vulcan do I have to prove I know before you can certify me for those hours? I can translate some of Srobent's poetry into Standard. And Shakespeare into Vulcan. That should earn me some OSCEC and some extra credit points. A win-win!

Aren't there some OSCEC I can take from Bones? Just to annoy him? Standard first aid for away missions? How to set a broken leg with a tree limb and a shredded Starfleet uniform? How to know which alien plants will kill you and which will only give you hives? Maybe he can teach "Fruits and Vegetables That Can Keep You Alive While You Are Stranded and Waiting To Be Rescued."

And I'm sure Scotty will let me earn credits by doing some of those more menial tasks he hates most - you know, inspecting and reprogramming the food replicators, re-calibrating the transporters, or rerouting the turbolifts to adhere to the new Starfleet mandates. Think Starfleet would accept those as credits? Maybe he could tutor me in the finer points of drinking too much scotch and still reporting for duty the next morning. No, I guess they would frown on that.

Can I take fencing from Sulu? It comes in very handy on away missions. And Chekov could teach me Russian. No, spare me that. Uhura could instruct me on sub-space interference and when to use it appropriately.

Alright, I've spent long enough on this. Thankfully you'll be here soon and we can make out the list of courses and who will teach them. Sure hope that's mostly you!

MEMO

TO: My T'hy'la

FROM: Your Spock

RE: OSCEC Courses for the remaining 7 hours

T'hy'la,

I am absolutely certain that making love to the acting Captain, while something to which I look forward with great anticipation, does not fall within the prescribed guidelines for earning the mandatory OSCEC.

I have already discussed possible course content with Dr. McCoy. He is agreeable to instructing you in several areas which will earn you OSCEC. He is of the opinion that personal fitness and weight loss will qualify. I will leave the details to him to discuss with you.

I have also spoken to Chief Scott. He agrees that the food replicators do need some adjustments and will provide you those specifications at the start of Alpha shift tomorrow. He estimates that you should be able to undertake and finish his assignment in 5.4 hours and will earn you 2 OSCEC upon satisfactory completion. He will also provide to me a list of other tasks you can undertake to earn additional credits.

Mr. Sulu was enthusiastic in his agreement to instruct you in fencing and will set up a schedule for the two of you to follow to earn those OSCEC.

Mr. Chekov volunteered to teach you Russian but I declined on your behalf, explaining that you were already studying Vulcan and one language was adequate at this time.

I will teach as many of the other classes as time allows. Being acting Captain will consume much of the time I would ordinarily have to myself, or to share with my bondmate. Perhaps you can, unofficially, assist me with some of the responsibilities I have inherited. While it will not earn you any OSCEC, I believe that you will find the extra time it affords me extremely gratifying.

I should be to our quarters within 15 minutes. At least that is my plan.

MEMO

TO: My Spock

FROM: Your T'hy'la

RE: OSCEC Courses

Oh dear god - Bones talked you into making fitness and weight loss one of the classes? Like I'm not miserable enough already? Won't you reconsider? Please?

And if Scotty said I can reprogram the replicators in 5.4 hours, it'll probably only take me 2. You know he multiples all time estimates by two, at least.

Thank you for sparing me from Russian with Chekov. I don't think I could stand fitness and weight loss with Bones, then face Russian lessons with Ensign Loquacious.

Of course I'll help you with some of the responsibilities you have inherited. Unofficially. We won't tell Starfleet. I'll start helping you as soon as you get here. Which can't be soon enough!

MEMO

TO: My T'hy'la

FROM: Your Spock

RE: Leaving Duty Now

I am on my way to our quarters. We will begin your quest for the needed OSCEC with Vulcan Oral. Most satisfactory for us both.

MEMO

TO: Starfleet Command Division of Continuing Education

FROM: Commander Spock First Officer and Chief Science Officer, USS Enterprise

EC: Captain James T. Kirk Commanding Officer, USS Enterprise

RE: Official Starfleet Continuing Education Credits Earned by Captain James T. Kirk

It is with great relief and admiration that I report that Captain James T. Kirk has successfully completed 53 hours of Official Starfleet Continuing Education Credits. He earned all of these credits within 24 days and has now satisfied all requirements to be officially reinstated as Captain of USS Enterprise.

Listed below are those classes which Captain Kirk completed, the instructor who certified the hours, and the grade which he was assigned for each course. We have utilized the standard 5 point scale for assignment of these grades. (We acknowledge that grades are not required but the instructors have requested that they be noted in his official record.)

Should you have any questions about these OSCEC, please do not hesitate to contact me immediately.

A Brief History of Vulcan, pre-reformation, .75 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 5

A Brief History of Vulcan, post-reformation, .75 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 5

A Brief History of the Vulcan Reformation, .75 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 5

Vulcan Language, oral, 3.5 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 5+

Vulcan Language, written, 3.5 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 4.75

Planetary Customs to Avoid, 2 OSCEC, Dr. Leonard McCoy, 4.5

Planetary Customs in Which No Humanoid Should Ever Engage, 2 OSCEC, Dr. Leonard McCoy, 5

Fruits and Vegetables That Can Keep You Alive While You Are Stranded and Waiting To Be Rescued, 2.5 OSCEC, Dr. Leonard McCoy, 5

Keeping Your Security Officers Out Of Harm's Way (A Red Shirt Does Not Have to Be a Death Sentence), 4 OSCEC, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott, 4.75

Building A Fire From Almost Any Native Substance, 2.5 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 5+

Building An Emergency Transmitter To Contact Your Ship (Even if the Planet On Which You are Stranded Has Not Yet Evolved Past Stone Knives), 4 OSCEC, Commander Spock and Chief Engineer Montgomery Scotty, 5+

Dilithium Crystals Are Our Friends: How To Maintain Your Dilithium so it Can Get You Home Safely, 1.5 OSCEC, Engineer Lydia Evers, 4.9

Stardates For Dummies (Never Again Worry That You Will Use the Wrong Stardate On Your Official and/or Private Logs) .75 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 4.5

Converting Stardates to Earth Dates - Especially Helpful To Those Who Wish To Remember Special Birthdays and/or Anniversaries, Commander Spock, incomplete

Space Exploration as Portrayed Through Popular Earth Culture, 1.5 OSCEC, Ensign Chekov and Lt. Uhura, 5+

Space Exploration as Portrayed Through Popular Vulcan Culture, .5 OSCEC, Ambassador Sarek (via subspace communications), 4

Starfleet Regulations - Changes You Need To Know, 4 OSCEC, Commander Spock, Lt. Uhura, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott, Dr. Leonard McCoy, 5

Retirement Planning for Starship Captains - It's Never Too Early To Begin Planning For Those Leisure Years After Your Service, .75 OSCEC, Starfleet Veterans' Administration, via subspace communication, no grade provided

Personnel Management For Dummies - Learn How to Smooth Things Over With Crew Members Whom You Would Prefer To Leave Behind On Your Next Away Mission, .75 OSCEC, Quartermaster Matherson, 5+

Reprogramming Food Replicators so Everything Doesn't Taste Like Meatloaf, 2.5 OSCEC, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott and Engineer Lydia Evers, 5+

Recalibrating the Transporters After They Accidentally Went Off Line Through Nobody's Fault, 2 OSCEC, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott, 4.25

Diplomatic Phrasing Every Member of Starfleet Should Know and Practice, 1.5 OSCEC, Lt. Uhura, 5+

Personal Fitness and Weight Loss, 6 OSCEC, Dr. Leonard McCoy and Commander Spock, 5+

Fencing For Fitness and Self-Defense, 2.5 OSCEC, Lt. Sulu, 5+

Dancing for Dummies - How to Dance With the Ruler of Any Planet Without Causing a Diplomatic Incident, 1.5 OSCEC, Lt. Uhura, 4.5

Independent Study - Comparative Study: Poetry of Earth and Vulcan, 1 OSCEC, Commander Spock, 5++


End file.
